It’s Paul's birthday today. I hope he has more hope than I do today. I woke up with a veil disheartened attitude. I woke up today wanting, or rather, thinking it is time to get a job. All sources confirm that I should continue to enjoy the month off, but visions of year long unemployment haunt me. I know that I could find a job, but would it be taking a job just for the sake of needing a paycheck? Would it not be a job better than what I had? Do I need to worry about getting a job right now? Probably not realistically, but mentally I do. However, in the past few weeks I have noticed a change in my attitude. I find myself wanting to learn more. I find myself asking more questions. I'm asking the meaning the words, wanting to remember them, wanting to retain things. I find myself a heightened listener and wanting to absorb it all around me. It’s not that I've been a distanced or unintelligent person before; it's just that now I notice myself noticing things. It's like I'm through the haze and fog and in the present. It is a surprisingly invigorating feeling. So, I guess under today's veil of doubt and concern lays a renewed sense of curiosity and self. Not too bad, all in a day's work!
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