DAy 29 1/31/08 Is Pensivity a word?

I wonder if pensivity is a word, because it's certainly the word that describes my day. A night of little sleep and restless thoughts lead me to today. I should call today doubt day, because that's what it feels like. I'm lost in a flurry of anger, doubt, insecurity and confusion. I'm drenched in fear for the future and disgust over my sometimes lack of faith. A good friend of mine told me that I should always put the positive out there, because if I do that's what I'll get back. I'm doing my darndest, but today is a hard one. I'm stuck inside my own mind and I'm letting it wander and there is no lease in sight. No desire to wrangle my thoughts back to reality. Today every little thing sets my world into a tailspin. I'm dizzy today; the world is spinning.