Day 69 3/27/08 Seminar

Tonight I attended a “Get Started in Freelance” seminar. It was a free seminar hosted by the University of Minnesota public library and the guest speaker was Sandra Rector. We entered the old, brick laden building to find a cozy table with crackers, cookies and juice. Wow, a free seminar and after dinner snack all for free . . . who needs a job? I can live like a queen. We settled into the corner nook of the library for Sandra’s hour long repartee about her career. She dolled out helpful advice some that surprised us, and some that we already knew. She told silly tales of tracking down leads and obnoxious interviews with famous people who you’d never expect to answer a door naked. We heard of the highs and heard of the lows and were left with a few basic thoughts, “Have no fear. Say what you have to say and say it. If someone doesn’t like it you’ll never have to hear from them again.” I think all of this is easier said than done, but in life, what isn’t. All in all it was time well spent and even better money well spent. I review her lessons from day to day and try to find my own voice, and push aside my own fear

Day 68 3/26/08 Ba Bye now

Two month old babies can’t wave or say goodbye. Babies at 5 months of age usually can’t wave or say goodbye, so why do we expect them to? Rather, why do their parents expect them to be able to wave and talk at premature ages? Have you ever been leaving a friend’s house or a gathering and as you walk out the door the parent takes their child’s limp hand in an attempt for make the baby wave goodbye to you? Have you been leaving and the parents hold their child in front of them puppetering their non-verbal child to say “ba bye?” I used to think this behavior was cute, now it scares me. For one, the baby is obviously disconnected to the exchange; only have recently discovered that they have a hand to wave. Secondly, it puts awkward pressure on the person leaving to reciprocate a noncommittal wave or baby talk good bye. Admittedly, I’ve done it myself with my niece and nephew, but why? Does it somehow reinforce a connection to the person leaving? Or does it force a connection to that person? Isn’t it just awkward? I mean, in retrospect, I’d rather see the child wave or say “ba bye” when they are able to do it on there own without a commandeering parent. It’s sweet in theory, but creepy in practice. So the verdict is in, this is one offense I don’t plan on re-committing.

Day 67 3/25/08 Crunch time, minus the crunch

The days are slowly slipping through my fingers. I’d love to stay home indefinitely, but it’s not in the cards for me. I must jump start my job search. I am feeling under the weather and unmotivated to do this. I’m feeling hot and cold and shivers run down my spine, not because I’ve found the perfect job, but because I’m sick and tired. It’s a lame excuse and I just have to commit to the search. It’s not so much of a commitment as a dedication to the job search. I don’t have to commit to anything. What’s the harm in internet research, it itself can’t lead to disappointment and rejection.

Day 66 3/24/08 Spring is in the air

Spring must be close at hand because I got a cold. I’m notorious for getting colds in the off season. No amount of Vitamin C or Zinc or Echinacea can fight against this. That is to say, I only get colds in the spring or summer, not in the winter when everyone else is getting them, or when one expects to get them. My dry throat gave way to a sore throat. Then my head started to pound and the chills came to town. I don’t know what it is about spring that triggers my cold, but it happens every year, without fail. I guess I should take it as a sign, as sure as the birds’ chirping that spring has sprung. I must now go and blow my nose, again. Happy official spring plus three days!

Day 65 3/21/08 Snow Day USA

Remember when you were a child and you’d take long adventurous walks in the snow? Can you remember the sound your moon boots made when they were just too heavy to lift off the ground? They’d drag out a “thunk thunk thunk” and make that classic plastic skimming cement noise? Ah, brings me back to the snowstorm of 1990, but that is a story for another day. . I sometimes feel that life should stop when I go to sleep so I’m startled when awake to the white covering. 3 plush inches of thick sticky white stuff landed on our laps, yards, roads and cars this morning Time didn’t stop while I slept and the sun gives way to a crisp view of my backyard. It was covered in snow, along with the roof, the road and the sidewalk of my house as well as everyone else’s. Seldom black streaks of road creep in an out of this Ansel Adams moment. It’s time to grab the camera and go exploring. I’ve granted myself a “snow day” from the job search, released myself from the guilt of not having a job. Today I’m an amateur photographer on a mission. My mission is to capture some of the beauty and wonder of this March Madness snowstorm

Day 64 3/20/08 Work it

I met an old work friend for lunch today and got schmoozed. I got worked, schooled, call it was you will. I was a client and he was trying to sell himself. New to sales he was smooth, but most definitely intentional and awkwardly deliberate. I didn’t have anything offer him yet he seemed to hang on my words and in many instances make me repeat myself. I didn’t tell him anything he couldn’t already find out We laced the conversation with personal antic dotes and updated on acquaintances, but at times the talk was forced. It was a word dance where he’d push forward and I pushed back always trying to bring the conversation back to a personal step. I respected his effort and held a bit of pride in knowing that he thought I was someone that could help him out. Maybe someday I can, but not today. Today, I’ll hug him goodbye, promise to do it again and thank him for the free meal.

Day 63 3/19/08 Old Spice

My grandmother smelled old today. A semi-sweet and sour eau de perfume of age. In her defense she just turned 95 and from all outward appearances is doing quite well for her age. However, we actually lost her about six or seven years ago to Alzheimer’s, leaving only glimpses of her remaining. I spent the morning with my grandparents. Not working has granted me more time, and precious memories with them. I indulge myself in the time spent with them. As we were loading up the car with groceries, and I was helping my grandmother into the backseat she smiled at me, thanking me, and that’s when I smelled it. It was soft and subtle, not offensive, but present. I know she’s old and is an old lady but there have only been small indicators of her chronology thus far. As quickly as I smelled it it was swept up with the wind. I proceeded to buckle her up and head home. I’ll pretend it didn’t happen and live in ignorance (and bliss) for awhile longer

Day 62 3/18/08 Whine Night

Today’s activities included internet job hunting and baking with my grandparents. The day was topped off by two glasses of Smoking Loon Shiraz. We pulled the cork out (in one piece thank you very much) and it Whooo Whooo on it. My friend and I laughed trying to interpret the text to whoo hoo, only to realize the words were loon noises. Another drink anyone? Ah, whatever the brand was it was alcoholic and a good way to unwind from the day; generous pours over personal conversation.

Day 61 3/17/08 Tom Foolery

I don’t have an ounce of Irish blood running through my veins. I determined the best way to avoid green beer guzzling drunkards was to be as far away from the Irish as possible. So, I had lunch at a Mexican restaurant (not crowded at all) and dinner at an American chain (not crowded either). I think my plan worked perfectly. While, I don’t enjoy the St. Patty’s Day celebration as much as others, I don’t discourage celebrating. I was slightly disappointed that in all my running around yesterday I only saw one drunk Irishman. I know he was drunk because he was responsibly waiting for the bus, a little after 11am wearing a bright green leprechaun hat and stickers on his face. No sober male would be caught dead in public with green clover stickers plastered all over his face (plastered being the operative word). No to worry, I did make time for my resume re-vamp. Based off some feedback from a recruiter I deemed my resume insufficient and outdated. With new resume in tow, I look forward to what tomorrow brings.

Day 60 3/14/08 Down is up

I felt soured.
A pit rising,
gaining momentum with every second
and every breath.

Weakened by fear
and stunted by tears
my heart swelled
head pounded.
I was down.

So low
that down looked up
with fate most cruel slyly
laughing at me.

What a wicked day.
Unscrupulous.
Chintzy with kindness.

Winner took all
Not for the pain or regret,
sorrow, anger
or disappointment

Again so low
That down looked up.